Where are All the Servants?

Tonight has ended another long week of work. It has been several long weeks in order one after another filled with many patients and much work and drive time from place to place. Not all of the time is mine, however. But the time is time away from the house and away from the needs of the family.

Guilt!!!! overwhelming and never ending has crept into my mind as I watch the younger ones shy away as they hear my voice state the obvious undone items as I walk through the house trying to shed my work hat and clothes in order to put on the sweats of being home as mama. They know the strain in my voice when things are undone and left out of place. That is not the favorite side of mama they had hoped would meet them at home.

I work to settle into the more relaxed Friday night routine and find myself struggling with a slow computer connection and the missing "I" key of my laptop. Piece of mail after piece of mail is opened to show me that I have not found a solution to several issues that needed tied up this month. I still have work to do for myself and for my job.

Despite being good at my job, I no longer enjoy it. I am not happy with the paperwork and the second guessing of the day. There are many issues that make each day a tiny bit more complicated than the next. There is no one to delegate the frustration or small details to --- I am that person. No assistants. No fellow therapists. Just me and today I am not enough.

Home has this sense also. Where are the extra hands that scoop up the laundry on the floor of the single bathroom shared by 11 people everyday? Who is the monitor of the toilet paper, water salt or tissues? Where is the person who folds and puts away the laundry left in baskets after loads are switched out from the washer to dryer?

The flow of a household generally requires everyone to pitch in. In some circles this is referred to as "slave labor" for the children. I am intrigued that that same level of commitment and completion is not seen as being slave labor when provided by a parent or other adult. It is accepted practice.

Balance. Our lives are to create a seamless dance from work to home that has no glitches of turmoil in our own minds and in the lives of our family. As mothers, wives and workers, our lives are to flow effortlessly one identity into another. Only when we "allow" the interruptions of our day do we, ourselves, destroy the flow. We dam the waters of the stream. We stop the success on all fronts.

What a calling we have?!! We must work to control the uncontrollable. From child to impatient adult we are greeted with the demands of needy relationships. Some of them of our own choosing. Others are thrust upon us due to position or circumstance.

The solution? Oh that is the million dollar question. Is it the extended vacation or the elimination of the greatest stress? Where do we place our trust in the solution? Who has the magic to cut the strings of responsibility?

I don't have those answers. I know just a few things. We are called to have the hearts of servants. For most of us the calling distracts us from ourselves, our lives and our other callings. We desire to give more. Sometimes beyond our own reach. We do that in answer to falling short in our own eyes in our every day lives.

We need to teach and lean on the servant hearts of our families. What happens if the laundry isn't done our way? What are the implications of unfolded laundry vs dirty laundry? Does every task need to be completed the day it was asked? What happens when everything waits until the weekend?

We need to show who we are, how we feel and where our energies are best spent. Martha spent many hours waiting on Christ and the men at the tables in her home. Mary dared sit at the feet of Christ to learn whatever she was able to learn. Was one better than the other? Only if your goal was eternal life. But Christ remained gentle and explained to Martha what she needed to change. We need that servant heart to teach our children and ourselves.

The Christ we ask to be in us is the Christ our children see. When we are called to use our hearts and hands for Christ we are doing His good purpose. We are Christ incarnate for our families and for our jobs. That level of super human strength comes from a place deeper than we ever imagined.

So the sleep I need is to allow me to work again for the good of my family. The purpose of my job and the wisdom to draw lines of containment to allow me to do both jobs without feeling overwhelmed and taken advantage of.