Values of Truth

Truth apparently has many faces and values. It must have a range of levels of effectiveness. Apparently there at least five theories of truth that I have overlooked. I must have missed that somewhere in my limited cognitive development. Was that a lecture I slept through in college? Or a group lesson I skipped during high school?

As I have no familiarity with a wide range of the concept of truth, I am stuck with my singular definition. My construct is one fold. Accordingly my instructions to my children on truth are direct and simple. A lie is a non-truth. The truth has no variations from its origin or content. I am fairly black and white about the concept of truth. Either it is the truth or -- yeah you guessed it --it is NOT.

For our current society the limited definition of truth has met with a great deal of controversy. The growing belief is that the lie of omission is not a lie whatsoever. Just a mere oversight of fact. An extension of the truth you might say. For me that just doesn't work. If you knew about it and did not tell the whole and accurate truth - well frankly my dear, it is a lie. It forces the entire piece of information to come into question. Beginning to end it is a lie.

The stretching of the truth is also a lie. If it is intended to change someone's perception about a situation or person, the lie has some degree of intent. This is called "spin" in our society and seems to have gained additional value. People are paid great amounts of money to re-create a favorable reality from the truth. It is an everyday part of life, just watch the news. I guess I didn't get the memo.

I was once told by one of my patients that when someone lies, contrary to their protests, the only person they are protecting is themselves. They only seem to care about how they are perceived and how the lie will effect them. An indication of their short-sighted view is the developing realization that the lie only preserves them for a short period of time. That is where the situation becomes almost desperate. The liar seems to react like a trapped mouse jumping to scale the walls of lies closing in on them. Liars begin to spin more and more lies to extend their sense of safety from the truth.

That suffocating and claustrophobic feeling is the one liars hate to experience. What they do not realize is that the "lie-ee" (for lack of a better term) has the same heart thumping, cold sweating, nausea feeling as they realize they trusted again and were taken advantage of. It develops a fear of rejection that ranks up there with the fear of being taken advantage of. The "lie-ee" does not have the security of being able to take back control of their input to the relationship as the power is apparently held by the liar.

The recipient of the lie is left feeling vulnerable, and cheated. They feel foolish even though they did not perpetuate the deception, or volunteer to be a part of it. For adults, the act of being taken in again not only is painful, but devastating as it usually involves someone with whom they would desire the greatest amount of reciprocal trust. Trust is hard to come by in any situation. Trust is something not given easily, especially in our day and age.

As I was growing up the majority of business transactions involved a handshake and few contracts. A man's word was indeed, his bond. There were few complaints or frauds. The world functioned with the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Some businesses tout the motto Platinum Rule. Do unto others as they would have you do unto them. They both honor the same consistent sentiments, to treat others fairly and honestly.

It seems overall society has left that level of thinking. Whether it is omitted fact during a verbal presentation for satellite television or the omission of not completing a task that one was asked. They are both defined as lies. Again, a breakdown in the economy of life. No good faith exchange. The lack of trust destroys the transaction.

Throughout the last few years of raising children the challenge of teaching the truth has had its ups and downs. The use of the white lie to avoid hurting some one's feelings or avoid uncomfortable situations has become obsolete. The fact that truth is paramount begins to tear away at false gestures of compliments or carefully veiled dislike. Children are not very forgiving of adult variations of the premise to keep societal face.

Older children seem to have a unique perspective on truth. They have the belief that they should be knowledgeable about every aspect of their parents' lives regardless of its direct impact on them. They, on the other hand, have the pleasure of sitting within judgment of each situation without regard to how it impacts themselves and others. They tend to be very harsh judges. Although, they again are seekers of mercy rather than justice when the opportunity arises for their own definition of truth to come into question.

Our household really has a thing about truth. Overall the belief is shared that lying is bad. The concept is generally challenged by age 4 or so and then, the correction seems to eliminate the issue for most of our charges. However, there have been a few standouts of insubordination.

Rarely do we deal with black and white blatant lies. More commonly we deal with the veiled lie. The subtle near truth that cannot be easily detected as a lie. The almost truth that shadows all edges of truth in order to allow some one to continue upon their desired path. It will propagate who they are to the family and others outside of the family. Seldom in their haste, do they look at the collateral damage to relationships within the family and outside of it.

Sometimes the children are lead astray by others, both adult and child alike. They are encouraged to hide a portion of the truth from one or both parents. Overall the deception is generally short lived. Sometimes it is rather innocent. Other times it is with great and ugly intent. The ultimate challenge to override the decisions of the parents. It is quite amazing how fast news is able to travel about the party on Friday night, or the last minute trip to Taco Bell that was not on the original agenda. It seems being an informant has a greater value than keeping the secret.

It can be extending the work day by an hour or two beyond the schedule to allow them to go with friends, or "forgetting" to tell someone the game/practice was canceled. It can be the use of situations to allow them to accomplish what they want without fully acknowledging the intended goal. Or it can be the obvious choice of ignoring the rules because they believe they are grown and above the rules. Their outward success is hidden as the goal becomes a side show to the stated direction identified.

Adults outside the family seem to view this in a variety of ways. I often hear the adage that boys will be boys or all children go through the stage of lying. Without question I am not easily swayed by the apathetic acceptance of the beliefs. Children and adults, alike, are not exempt from abiding by the rules of conduct. They are not excused from the rules based upon age or gender.

What concerns me more about those ploys for leniency is the reality that our country seems to recognize only the shades of the truth. That we, as a constituency, have come to expect there to be multiple versions of the truth. We don't condemn politicians for their lack of truthfulness or the spin they place on their choices. But rather, we expect and allow for the spin in every aspect of campaigns and everyday workings of the government that is supposed to represent us as a people.

The lack of concern for lying and its impact on the structure of our society has shown many flaws in the development of our recent affairs. Look to the the "Bail Out" bill and decide for yourself if we were given enough of the facts to have our opinions heard. Ask yourself if you believed what the news stated about the economy or the change of political status by the everyday media. If we have no concern for the truth we have lost a general tenant of the foundation of our country. We no longer strive to be the trend setters but merely the blind followers to the deceptive tune of the spin doctors.