She Gets Everything She Wants and Has Her Nails Done Too.

I have been inundated with questions about what I think about Jon and Kate Plus 8 over the last year or two since they came into existence on TLC. Like many mothers of many children, we are asked how they manage or what we believe is the trick to raising that many children. Some people want a direct comparison to their household and to ours.

Well frankly, there cannot be one and there isn't one. First of all, they agreed to have their lives documented by camera persons nearly 24-7. But oddly, they are not just filming, they seem to be developing a place in the Goslen family. Secondly, Kate has more help with 8 children than I had with nearly all of my brood regardless of their age and numbers. Plus I also worked a full-time job when we had the most help and was building a business. Half of that time I was raising 5 children and pregnant with the 6th child and Barry lived 4 states away. We thought we were moving, so the house cleaning was done nearly daily and there were so few toys the kids thought that Santa Claus had confiscated them.

The other thing about Jon and Kate- despite their different parenting styles, their struggles suddenly no longer include money, or house size or help to do things they want to do. Their level of celebrity has afforded them several solutions to everyday issues that most mothers and fathers of many face every minute of the day. It can be quite a struggle to give to each child according to their need and yet manage to juggle the completion of the laundry. (But I hear that little chore no longer is one that Kate or Jon deal with now.) None of the people I know can afford to have their nails done professionally every week. None of them have their hair done professionally more than 3-4 times a year. Most of us trade a friend with the skill of hair cutting for something else we do well. We adapt our lifestyles to our budgets and our goals for our family.

I had a good laugh as during the season premiere, our heroine, Kate, wanted some extraordinary recognition for planning the birthday party of the sextuplets essentially by herself. She began with talking about the theme, then stated the kids mutinied and wanted a jumpy theme. As she took all the children with her to purchase decorations and the grab bags for the party , she was more concerned that the "P-People" would take their pictures than the task at hand. I understand the press has infringed on their lives, but she asked for the celebrity. With the money and filming comes the responsibility of protecting your children. Another of those pesky every day occurrences for responsible parents-- we are here first to raise and protect our children.

As she wandered the store to find her party items, she ran a commentary on the behavior of the kids. They were indeed well behaved, but that is as it should be. They no longer are 2 or 3 and they have been to school. They should be expected to represent themselves, their family and other large families well.

She seemed to believe that no one had ever done that before, or had the distinct privilege of doing so without an entire entourage of several adults. Sorry Kate, I have grocery shopped with 11 kids and not enough money to buy the desires of their hearts. There were no other adults present other than the scores of people remarking about our large family and the overflowing shopping cart. She was too busy buying everything they wanted to notice that the other families there were counting the number of plates, the total invitations,the kids desires, and the ideas were scaled to a budget they could afford on a salary. Kate was focused on a budget that was scaled for the show. Do you really need four jumpies? and four pinatas? With all of that why did she include a magician? How much is enough? She wasn't spending much time showing the little ones which ones they could afford vs what they wanted. She was just placing everything they touched in the cart.

It was almost surreal to hear her attempt to identify the great behavior of her older daughters as they tried to help mom put together the numerous folded boxes. As the 20 year friend of my daughter commented, "I feel so sorry for the older girls, they are almost always invisible. She never sees what they do right." That much I can tell you is a challenge of mothering many. We get focused on the bad behavior because it can take away from all the other good behavior. It is a reality and a curse.

The saddest portions of the show, were the points in which Kate sought more sympathy for the stresses on their marriage and relationship. Jon mentioned his "side" but the most verbal was Kate. Although she was among the millions of mothers who have heard the babysitter's name come out of her child's mouth first, she was shocked to find out that person had created a strong impact on their children. Reality, again, has been her worst enemy. There was never a question whether the children would acknowledge a caregiver, there was just the question of when. If you have a real job and place emphasis on it, your children eventually suffer. Fact or fiction does not change the reality. One of the hardest choices of a mother that feels the need to supply for her family.

I am not an anti-Goslen fan. I am truly in the corner of the extraordinary children of the relationship. I would love the opportunity to meet Kate and maybe make a few suggestions. I realize I have no celebrity. I am not an expert on raising children. I have and continue to make mistakes that hurt my children and myself. But I believe I can show her ways to be a better working mom. Give her pointers on organizing the fun with the work, and raising kids with a sense of responsibility to each other and the family. I do know I have experience with that.

I would love the show to have Kate meet other moms of many who homeschool, have 8 or more children, have no help other than their children and husbands, live within a budget and manage to raise brilliant children without a tv crew or producers. What an interesting conversation that might be!!

Good Luck Kate and Jon-- I hope you don't become so much of a celebrity that you miss the magical moments. I also hope that you can look beyond your own selves and see what your children need from both of you - whether you are together or apart and that you both rise above your own limitations.