May Crowning

Today was Kirsten's triumph and Anya's torture. Kirsten was chosen to crown Mary during the May crowning ceremony. Our merry band of children separated and sat with Catholic instruction teachers and younger ones with me. Each younger child spent the first few minutes looking for their friends sitting with their own families.

Father John entered into the church with his biggest smile, as he once again could lead the new communicants in another step of their newly found demonstrations of faith. Anya's second grade class sat in the front once again in their first communion best and with their families. She was left behind with us. Again on the outside watching her friends.

Kirsten sat quietly behind us during the Rosary and waited with her classmate to go and place the crown of flowers on the head of Mary. They headed to Our Lady's place of honor to place the crown of flowers upon her head. Each one of them walking slowly and with their heads bowed as they reached Mary. They turned and looked at the congregation and groups of moving children carrying more flowers in honor of the Holy Mother. The two girls smiled so sweetly as they came down from the front of the church.

While we had waited, Aidan had fidgeted. He swung his legs and quietly mumbled and sang throughout the entire last four decades of the Rosary. I scolded. I touched his shoulder. I held him in my arms as we stood. I waited for him to stop the noise. I practically hung him by his toes to make it through the mass. All the while Anya sat and watched her class.

Sadly, Anya who so much wanted to be a participant this night and Sunday had to sit with her family. Not because she had done something wrong, but because we had. We as adults had not made plans in advance and she could not participate with her class during first communion. Despite the benefits of being able to join with her family once we become confirmed members, she felt left out. She was disappointed on Sunday to the point of tears. She so wanted to have the beautiful dress and the veil and stand before Father John to take the communion bread and wine. She had studied and knew all about the host and the way they did it. She was proud of her ability to recite the Our Father and the Hail Mary. She knew what they were to do. She was ready. It was the adults that were not. Even as they took pictures of the First Communion Class, she stood off to the side to be able to talk to her friends. All of Sunday, she walked around quietly looking off away from the family -- you could tell she was pondering what she had done wrong. The answer again was the adults did not plan.

So today, I write about one child's joy and another child's sadness over the same evening. How Anya watched as her class once again was in front of the parish to receive their scapulars and she sat with her family. How she marveled at the object and listened to its meaning. All the while as Kirsten glowed with the honor of crowning Mary. We sat as a family and said the rosary to Our Mother. We spoke in unison and individually, so that our prayers could be heard. Even the smallest children began to recite with us the decades. They quickly learned the prayer and began to understand the ritual.

Anya had been given her first rosary for this night. She stood still and held each bead with each recitation of the Hail Mary. When our eyes would meet she would be smiling from ear to ear. She was proud to be trusted to hold the rosary and to be old enough to stand with us as we said it. You could see her determination to fully understand what God intended this time to be.

This must be the greatest challenge of being a parent. The torture of watching one child shine at the moment another fades with disappointment. So I am writing about it, in hopes that someday the memory will be soothed by the writing and acknowledgment of the disappointment. All the while, writing about Kirsten's honor will keep the memory fresh for her as she gets older.

I also hope, that Anya will never lose the longing desire to be able to commune with our Lord. That she will always thirst for him as the doe pants beside the waters. I pray for both of them that this night and all its firsts, will signify the start of something greater for both my daughters despite one's triumphs and the others disappointments.